Getting Rid of Potter
by 1ss2cs3pa4gf5op6hbp
Summary: Lily is tired of James harrassing and practically stalking her so she comes up with a list of ways to stop it. But does it work?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did I wouldn't be here sitting at my computer at 4:30 in the morning writing fanfiction. Please don't sue me because all you'd get was about five dollars and maybe some pocket fuzz. **

**Lily is tired of James harrassing and practically stalking her so she comes up with a list of ways to stop it. But does it work?**

**WARNING: This is my first fic so I hope you like it. Beware of extreme sarcasm and a lot of Lily talking to herself.**

**Getting Rid of Potter Part 1**

I, Lily Evans and sick. Yes I am also tired. I am sick and tired. Of what you ask? James Potter. He has got to be the most annoyingly arrogant thing to ever walk on this planet. I often wonder how his head can be so big. Is it really possible for someone's head to weigh fifty pounds? Because I seriously think that his head comes close. He thinks he is so cool with his unruly black hair and his stupid glasses. I, however think he looks ridiculous. I mean who in their right mind tries to make their hair look even stupider by messing it up more than it already is? Potter. That's who.

I am just a fifteen year old girl. I am in my fifth year at Hogwarts. By the way this school is way cooler than my muggle school. I am so glad that I'm a witch. When I found out it was a huge eye opener. I think that was the best day of my life. I finally got to get away from my sister who insists on gossiping on every single thing. Now don't get me wrong, I gossip too. But when it becomes an obsession and you end up getting night goggles to spy on the neighbors, I have to draw the line there. I have fun and exciting friends. I'm just an average teenage girl. I love to hang out with my friends and do well in my studies. I think the only thing that sets me apart from anyone else is that I am a prefect this year. But that is not something that you would think that Potter would seem interested in. He likes to break all the rules and play pranks on anyone and everyone. Oh and he likes to hex anyone who looks at him funny. So why does Potter always seem to pop up and insist on asking me out every five minutes? I honestly do not know. But I for one am sick and tired of it. And I have come up with the perfect solution. I am going to make a list of ways to get rid of James once and for all. Now where's that parchment...

Getting Rid of Potter:  
1. Ignore him.  
2. Hex him everytime he asks me out or when he makes suggestive comments.  
3. Kiss his best friend.  
4. Agreeing to go out with him and then say I was just kidding.  
5. Pretend he has lost his memory and I'm really his sister.  
6. Yell at him and make a huge scene.

I have to inform you that that list was difficult to come up with. Not that it was hard to think of ways to get rid of Potter. I just think that Avada Kedavra wouldn't really work to well. I mean it would get rid of him, but spending the rest of my life in Azkaban does not seem too appealing.

Okay, tomorrow I'll start phase one: ignoring Potter. Maybe if I don't say anything to him, he'll just leave me alone once and for all. With that I drew the curtains around my bed and went to sleep anticipating finally getting rid of Potter.

The next day I woke up and couldn't wait to start my day. I was excited about my full proof plan. Practically jumping for joy, my roommates couldn't help but notice my change in attitude from yesterday when I was so mad at James for setting my robes on fire.

"Why are you so chipper this morning?" Sally asked. She is my best friend. She had dark brown hair that reached just above her shoulders and brown eyes. It was a big contrast to my auburn red curly hair that reached the small of my back and my emerald green eyes.

"I have found out how to get rid of James Potter once and for all. Well short of murder that is." I stated happily.

"And what do you plan to do?" I handed Sally the list and watched as she read it. "Are you doing all of these today?"

"No I am doing one at a time but hopefully I will be able to pull it off before having to do all ten." I said happily. I was finally going to get rid of him.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean what if one day you actually find that you like him but you drove him away because of this?"

"Sally, me falling for James would be like me giving birth to a child that survives the killing curse. It's never going to happen."

I walked out the door of our dormitory and proceeded down the steps with Sally hot at my heals trying to convince me to leave it alone. I decided to practice ignoring James by ignoring her, so I went on to breakfast.

James Potter came gallivanting into the Great Hall about ten minutes after I had started eating. I, being a slow eating unlike some people who inhale their food coughSiriuscough, had only begun to eat my eggs when he plopped down next to me.

"Hey Evans! How's it going?"

"..." Just ignore him Lily and he will go away. Hmmm...I wonder how many other people talk to themselves? It can't just be me.

"That looks like some good food. Does it taste as good as it looks?"

"..." I wonder how I did on my Charms essay. I hope I did okay. It is O.W.L. year after all. I need top marks so I can study with it later. Sally probably thinks I'm weird for thinking that.

"Hmmm...Are you ignoring me Evans?"

"..." I can't wait for the Hogsmeade weekend. I need to stock up on my chocolate frogs. I'm almost out of them because I...I mean Sally, NOT me, ate five bags of them when we had a girl's night.

"I guess that's a yes." James then got a michievious glint in his eye. One that Lily did not like one bit. "I guess since you are ignoring me then you won't do anything to stop me."

"..." I wonder if James will ever shut up. I wonder if he knows how to shut up. Probably not. He may have used to known how to but I think hanging around with Sirius all these years made him forget how.

"Alright then. I'm going to ask you something and if you don't protest then I am assuming that it's a positive answer. Will you go out with me?"

"..." I wonder what I should wear tomorrow. It's casual day - something that the Head Girl and Boy thought would be fun. We don't have to wear our uniforms. Maybe I'll wear my mini skirt. The red one. Oh and my black boots. That'd look nice. Wait! What did Potter ask?

"Yes! I didn't get an answer therefore you must want to go out with me somewhere in your subconscious." James jumped up and started yelling for everyone to hear. "Hey guess what! Evans and I are an item as she just did not reject me!"

At least that's what he would have said if I had not completely forgotton about Phase one of my plan and jumped up and knocked him to the ground before he could finish his sentence. Of course by doing this I lost my balance and landed right on top of him.

"Well, if you wanted to skip the dinner and get right to the dessert, why didn't you just say so?"

"ARGH! Potter! I do NOT want to go out with you. Nor will I ever want to. Most people get that when someone ignores you they don't want to talk to you. Just leave me ALONE!" With that I left the Great Hall in a bad mood. This was not going the way I wanted it to. Well at least things can't get any worse. Right? WRONG!

I had just reached the doors when Professor McGonagall met up with me. "Miss Evans. These fights with Potter have to stop. You have to be able to at least be in the same room without blowing up at each other. Tonight, you will join him in detention. Meet me in my classroom at 8 O'clock and don't be late."

I left and continued to the common room to get my books. Stupid bloody Potter and his making me get detention. He'll pay. Just wait until I start phase two: Hex him everytime he asks me out or when he makes suggestive comments.

I was on my way back to the common room. I had just finished my last class. Finally this day is almost over. My plan was not working too well. It is going to be a lot tougher to crack Potter than I thought. Well at least he hasn't asked me out since breakfast. Of course I have been taking the long way to all the classes and getting there right on time and then leaving right when the bell rang. Which is what I just did. I am a surprisingly fast walker when I want to be. I am ready for this day to be over. I am dreading tonight at detention. A whole night spent with Potter and his fat head when I could be doing something useful like twiddling my thumbs or singing in the shower. Not that I do that by the way. No really I don't. By this time I was in my dormitory putting away my stuff when Sally and Anna came bursting through the door.

Anna was another of my roommates. She has short spiked hair that is a different color every other week (today it'spurple) and blue eyes. She's the crazy one out of us.

"Lily! You won't believe what happened!" Anna screamed.

"What?" Of course I asked this very calmly and indifferent-like just to annoy her.

"You will never believe who just asked me out!" At this point I was able to get a glimpse of Sally's face and she was just as, if not more, ecstatic about this news as Anna was. So I was a little apprehensive to ask because sometimes they get excited about the wierdest guys.

"Who?"

"John Moore!" My jaw dropped. I could not believe it. That guy is so wierd. He has his hair in a mohawk, about ten tatoos, and at least four piercings. On the other hand, Anna's a little on the wierd side too. Most girls don't have purple hair and live for fishnet pantyhose. I think this could actually work out for her.

"That's great! When did he ask you out?"

"Just now. Oh no! I just left him in the common room without telling him an answer. I had to tell you. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I have to go!" And she tore out of the room and then tripped and fell down the stairs. Typical. She's such a klutz. Good thing John was there to catch her.

Shaking my head and laughing I left for dinner with Sally at my side. I wonder what we are having for dinner. I'm starving. I skipped lunch so I wouldn't have to deal with Potter and now I fell like I could eat a hippogriff. Or a thestral. Or a dragon. But none of those sound to appetizing.

"Hello? Lily? Are you listening to me?" Sally said waving her hands in front of my face.

"Yeah...I am. I know exactly what you were talking about. I wasn't off in my own little world. Nope I wasn't." I wonder if she believes me.

"Okay. If you were listening then what was I talking about?" Crap. What to say what to say.

"You were talking about umm.. about how you think it's odd that Dumbledore has his beard so long." What did I just say? I cannot believe I chose that to prove I was listening to her.

"Oh. Maybe you were listening. Sorry for doubting you. Anyways, what's for dinner?"

* * *

Don't freak out Lily, don't freak out. It is only a simple little detention with Potter. Nothing to worry about. Except me trying to stay out of Azkaban from murding him. I can handle this. I do still have phase two of The Plan. It is only ten minutes until detention. I am on my way to McGonagall's classroom. I just hope she doesn't make us do something incredibly disgusting like clean the bedpans in the hospital wing. Ewww. Just keep my cool and I will be able to get through this. Maybe I'll be lucky and she'll give us separate detentions. But when has anything gone right in my life? That's right never.

I arrived at McGonagall's office right on time and Potter wasn't there. Typical. He's always late. Oh wait he's inside already. At least no one heard my thoughts. Well besides me. I went inside the office to meet my doom.

"Good evening Miss Evans. Tonight you and Mr. Potter will be cleaning the bedpans in hospital wing. Without magic that is. I will lead you down there and leave you to it." Typical. Nothing can ever go right can it?

* * *

I am now back from the worst possible detention ever! It could not have gone worse. I cannot believe Potter. Well naturally, since I am in my room where my friends are, they saw how angry I was and rushed to my rescue. I knew I had to tell them my horrifying tale.

"Me and Potter (or is it Potter and I) Well which ever one it is, followed McGonagall to the hospital wing where when we entered, I swear they brought in extra bedpans just to make me suffer. There had to be at least 3,000 there. I'm not exaggerating. Really, I'm not. She bid us goodbye and left me to have to deal with Potter - by myself I might add - for probably three or four hours. Although with these 5,000 bedpans we could be here all night. Well two things could happen. Potter could completely ignore me and my life would be bliss. Or he'll annoy the hell out of my and I'll get to hex him. And just to set things straight, I am purely going to hex him for the benefit of the plan. I will not take personal joy in it. Well, maybe a little. And our detention began.

"We started cleaning and I had about ten done by the time Potter was done with one. And then it happened. I knew it was only a matter of time before it inevitably happened. Me and Potter (or is it Potter and I) can not be in the same room with each other for an extended period of time without it happening. He asked the question. "Hey Lily. Will you go out with me?" But I did not waiver. Because I remembered Phase two of The Plan. I whipped out my wand and shouted 'furnunculus' you know the boil curse. Well, I think that shut him up. But then McGonagall came in and saw me. She gave me another detention and a lecture about how I should know better because I'm a prefect. My life is over!"

Well my friends aren't as understanding as I thought. Anna leaned over and whispered to Sally, "Hey you know Lily speak better than me. What does that really mean?"

"Well her and James followed McGonagall to the hospital wing. There were 40 bedpans that would take about an hour to clean. She was praying that he would say something so she could hex him and have an excuse. They were most likely cleaning at the same rate although it is possible that James was going faster. And then he asked for the soap and Lily hexed him probably four or five times before she realized what he had actually asked and McGonagall came in and gave her detention because James was most likely knocked unconscious at the time."

"Oh,"

Why those little traitors. "I cannot believe you would think such things. I wouldn't dare do that. Ugh. Maybe Phase Three will work better. Kiss his best friend. Aw man why did I come up with that. Now I have to kiss Sirius."

* * *

**What will Lily do? Will she go through with it or chicken out. Please review! I would really like that. This is my first fic so please be nice or brutally honest. Whichever one you want. I would just like a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. But wouldn't it be great if magically overnight, I did? Well you can't get everything you wish for.**

**Lily is tired of James harrassing and practically stalking her so she comes up with a list of ways to stop it. But does it work?**

**Getting Rid of Potter Part 2**

Today was the day. I was going to put Phase three of The Plan into effect. I was going to kiss Sirius in front of James. That's right. That should wipe the smirk right off his face. I plan to do it in the Great Hall in front of everyone. That should be a moment to remember. I hope I don't lose my nerve. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Oh who am I kidding. I don't think that I can do this. I mean I think I might throw up if I have to kiss Sirius.

"Hey Evans! You are looking mighty fine today. Deep down you know you want me. How bout it? Want to go to Hogsmeade next weekend with me?" James said with that stupid smirk on his face. I swear he is insufferable. I think I can live with kissing Sirius if it'll get Potter to leave me alone. So I smiled at him making him think that he had finally gotten me. Because usually I just reject him. I pretended to walk up to him (Sirius was right beside him) and gave him the look. You know, the one you give to someone right before you kiss them. But then at the last second I turned to Sirius. I grabbed him by his shirt and gave him a kiss smack dab on the lips. To say he was surprised was an understatement. I think everyone in the Great Hall was flabbergasted of what I had done. I thought Potter was about to hit someone. I swear he had a look of pure disgust on his face. Ha - take that. Maybe he'll finally leave me alone.

"Potter, I don't think I will accept your invite to Hogsmeade. I have better things to do." And with that I left the Great Hall to go to my dormitory. But not before I heard Sirius say to James "Damn! She's a good kisser." I thought James was ready to punch him. That should teach him not to ask me out all the time.

* * *

"Guys, I did it. I think that Phase three actually worked. It has been a whole day since Potter asked me out. I mean I think that kiss with Sirius really threw him off balance. Not that he wasn't already off balance." I was ecstatic. I could not believe it. This had been the most blissful day of my life. I felt like nothing could go wrong. But in my life, when I think that, everything goes wrong. And it was proven when I entered the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Hey Evans. I have decided to overlook the fact that you kissed my BEST friend in the MIDDLE of the Great Hall in front of EVERYONE because I know why you did it. You couldn't believe that I was actually asking you out. I mean I am after all THE James Potter. So I decided to give you another chance. I know that you really want to go out with me. So me, being the caring and gracious man I am, I am willing to let you go out with me." I was gobbsmacked. I could not believe he had just said that to me. I thought about going back to phase two and cursing him into Oblivion, but thought better of it. I have suffered enough detentions from that. So I did the only thing I could think of. I started banging my head repeatedly with my hand, while mutter over and over again. "Stupid, stupid, stupid..." But then I remembered Phase four of The Plan and it brought a smile to my face. Agree to go out with him and then say I was just kidding. That should get rid of him.

"Alright Potter. I'll go out with you. I'll go to Hogsmeade with you." At this point I should tell you that the entire Common Room had gone completely silent. Everyone was shellshocked. Well except my friends who knew what was going on. I even had Sirius come up to me and put his hand on my forehead and ask if I was feeling well. The look on Potter's face was priceless. It was the look someone would get upon hearing that Voldemort had turned good. He couldn't believe it.

"Are you serious?" And I had to resist smacking Sirius when he made the serious/Sirius joke yet AGAIN. (everyone in the common room groaned at this point) I mean you'd think he would get tired of it after 5 years of saying it everyday. Oh wait I'm getting carried away here. I have to finish with phase four.

"On second thought. Maybe I'd better not. I don't know if I will be able to fit inside the Three Broomsticks with your massive ego. Better not risk it." And then I turned and went up to my dormitory. Revenge is sweet. That ought to shut his arrogant self up.

* * *

Sally and Anna were trying to make me forget the plan. They felt I was being insanely evil. "If he paid half the attention to me as he does to you I would go out with him. I mean he's popular, handsome, and a killer quidditch player." Sally droned on and on for the millionth time that day.

"If you like him so much then you can go out with him." I really wish people would stop telling me that Potter and I would make a cute couple. I find it repulsive. Although if he kisses as well as Sirius...Oh who am I kidding. I would never go out with someone because they kiss well. Although it is an added plus.

"But you would make such a cute couple." I knew someone had to say it eventually. Leave it to Anna to bring that up. I decided a glare would work better than anything else. Besides I already have my mind made up. I am going on to Phase five of The Plan whether they like it or not. Because ever since the other day when I put Phase four into effect, Potter decided to increase the number of times he asks me out. It seems like everytime I turn a corner he's there. Waiting. And always with a new cheesy pick up line followed by an invitation to go on a date with him. I swear if he asks me one more time if I'm wearing astronaut pants (because my butt is out of this world) I'm going to scream. So I have to take drastic measures. I have to go on with the plan. I am going to pretend he lost his memory and that I am his sister. If that doesn't work then I don't know what will.

We were on our way to Charms. I have been going out of my way and trying to take a different path everyday so Potter can't find me. But he always seems to. It's like he has me on a tracking device. And it just so happens that the next corner I turned, there he was. With his arrogant smirk and him running his hand through his stupid hair. That drives me insane. And NOT in a good way.

"Hey Evans. You look tired. Maybe because you have been running through my mind all day. Maybe I should carry your books for you. Or I could carry YOU to charms. Either one will work just fine."

At this point I didn't have the energy to come up with a witty remark. So I just stepped around him and proceeded to charms. I think I will put phase five in progress tomorrow morning when he first wakes up. That'll confuse him more.

* * *

Phase five is about to start. I got up extra early. I wanted to look extra cute today so it'll mess with his head more when I pretend to be his sister. I am wearing my my camel boots, my good butt jeans, and the lowcut spaghett strapped shirt that Sally called trampy and then wanted to borrow it. I usually wear a jacket with it, but I thought I'd go with the more revealing look today. I decided to bring the other marauders in this as well. They thought it was hilarious. They didn't think I could come up with such an awesome prank and they wanted in on it too. I wasn't too sure how they would take it because he is their best mate. But the conversation went quite well actually.

Last night:

_I was walking back to the common room from dinner and I decided to include Sirius, Remus, and Peter in the prank against James. I hope they are willing to help me with it. Thankfully James had quidditch practice so he wasn't in the common room. But the other three marauders were in the corner by the fire. Discussing a prank probably. Well, maybe if I present the idea as a prank, they'll be more willing to help me._

_"Hey guys. How's it going?"_

_"Come to kiss another one of us to make James jealous?" Sirius said with a smirk. Oh the nerve of him. How dare he suggest such a thing. Like I would want to make him jealous._

_"I did_ not _do that to make him jealous. I don't_ want _to make him jealous. I just want him to leave me alone for more than five seconds at a time and to stop asking me out every time I turn around and..."_

_"LILY! I was just kidding. I know you don't want James. You've made that perfectly clear. I also know that you don't talk to us willingly. So what's up?" Well now I felt stupid._

_"Oh I think I came up with an idea. A prank if you will. I think it will get James to cool it around me and let me have a life." This peaked Sirius's interest._

_"Go on."_

_"I'm going to seriously - don't even think about it Black - mess with his head. Make him go insane." I had to stop that horrid joke before it started._

_"And how exactly do you plan to do that Miss Evans?" Remus asked._

_"I am going to pretend he lost his memory and that I am his sister. But I need you guys to go along with it so he'll really believe it. That way when he asks me out, I can pretend he is messed up in the head. Well more so than normal."_

_"Well, that's a start. But you need more to it than that to truly mess with his head." The look in Sirius's eyes made me uneasy. I don't want to think about what he is planning._

_"What did you have in mind?"_

_"Well, the sister part is good. Making him think he is dreaming about dating his sister will be priceless. But, if you throw a little more into the equation, it could_ really _make him go insane."_

_"You're not suggesting _that _are you?" Remus's mouth was hanging open in disbelief. This couldn't be good._

_"Padfoot. It's not what I'm thinking of is it?" Peter's eyes were wide as saucers. This really can't be good._

_"Oh that's exactly what I'm thinking of. Both of those. This calls for drastic measures. Time to call in all the reinforcements we have." Now I'm scared for my safety._

_"Okay, you guys are scaring the crap out of me. What the hell are you talking about?" The suspense was killing me._

_"What does James want more than anything but can't have because - how do you usually put it? - his massive ego gets in the way? You. Making him believe you are his sister will drive him insane. But what could make him jealous?" Sirius started to explain._

_"If you were going out with one of his best mates." Remus contiued._

_"And you were pregnant by said mate." Peter finished. Oh they really are that good._

_"Wow. You guys are geniuses. You took my already awesome plan and made it a masterpiece." At this point Sirius had to put his hand over his heart and wipe away a fake tear. I had to roll my eyes._

_"We do try." Typical. Sirius always makes a scene._

_"I was actually worried about asking you guys for help. Why exactly are you helping?" They all looked at each other and started laughing. I swear they have some silent language that no one knows about._

_"Well Lily, James is a bit annoying when he won't stop talking about you. He desperately needs to get over you. Because it is very clear you do not return those feelings. Well unless he were to deflate his head which will not happen anytime soon. So we need to get him to stop talking about you in the mean time. Now which one of us is going to knock you up?" I just laughed and walked away. I swear Sirius is just as bad as James._

So now I'm on my way to the fifth year boy's dormitory. We had decided that it would be better if I started when he first woke up. This is going to be priceless. I knocked on the door. And who should answer the door but the prankee himself. "Hi James" I said flashing him a smile. "Can I come in? There's something really important I have to tell you." I find it quite hilarious when he's speechless. Because normally he never shuts up around me.

"Uh..sure Lily. C-come in." Stepping aside he let me pass. The other boys were already up too. Man this is going to be great. I plopped down on his bed. He just stood at the door so I put on an exasperated look.

"James just get over here. It's best to tell you this before you find out from someone else. I really need your help." So he came and joined me on the bed.

"What is it? I'll help with whatever it is."

"Well...you see the thing is...umm..."

"Yes?"

"I'm pregnant." Keeping a straight face is harder than it looks.

"WHAT!" Thankfully, at this point my "boyfriend" came to my rescue.

"Now James, don't be too upset. I know I'd want to kill me to if I were in your position."

"Wait. YOU got her knocked up? You were suppose to be my friend. Best mates for life. How could you Sirius?" This is when I brought the fake tears into play. I love being able to cry at will. I knew it would come in handy some day.

"James! S-s-stop y-yelling. Y-you were s-supposed to help me. I mean what am I going to tell mom and dad? They'll be furious. You have to help me tell them."

"Lily, why would I help you tell your parents? I don't even know them. They'd probably think I was the one who got you pregnant." I'm really glad his friends are such great actors. They was an onset of ewws, and that's gross, and ughs going on.

"Eww. James. Seriously. Why would your parents think you knocked up your sister?" Remus asked.

"My sister?"

"Did you hit your head. I came here for some support and advice on how to tell our parents that I'm pregnant and you pretend like you have no idea we're related. Do I look that stupid?" This was too great.

"But...but...but you're Evans. My sworn hater. You've hated me for all eternity and will never return my love. You said I have a huge ego. You're not my sister."

"Um...James mate. I think you may have been hit by a stray memory charm. Now you don't even claim your sister. She's a year younger than you but got moved to our year because her grades were good enough. She's going out with Sirius - has been for a year. And you have a girlfriend." Woah. That's a new part of the plan. But I like it. Go Peter.

"Wait who's my girlfriend?"

"Man you must have really hit your head hard or something. You've can't remember? You guys have been going out for two years." Man Remus is good too. They can really think on their feet.

"Who is she?"

"Sally Hatfield. My best friend." Oh this is going to be sweet. "But since you obviously don't remember ANYTHING maybe it was a mistake to think that I could actually count on you. I can't believe it. You used to would have done anything for me. But now I see that you've changed. Next time I won't bother. Come on Sirius. Let's get out of here." And me and Sirius walked out. Closely followed by Remus and Peter both shaking their heads disbelievingly at James. We got right outside the portrait hole to the common room and started busting out laughing. "I can't believe the look on his face." I said through laughs.

"I wonder how long it'll take for him to realize that he was just the brunt of a major joke."Sirius wondered aloud.

"I don't know but maybe while it last he'll actually leave me alone. And if all goes well he'll get the hint and stop asking me out every two seconds when he finds out what we did."

* * *

Well the consequences of our little joke were pretty large. I think we may have actually embarrassed James Potter. Enough to where he hasn't ask me out for since. I think this plan actually worked. Here's what happened:

I failed to mention to Sally that we used her name in our little prank. It was priceless. I was sitting with the marauders and Sally when James came to lunch. It was Saturday so we didn't have classes. He sat right next to Sally. So everyone was talking and the subject of me being "pregnant" thankfully didn't come up. Well, we were about to leave when James grabbed Sally and kissed her. She was a bit surprised. When she came to her senses, she slapped him.

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing?"

"I was just kissing my girlfriend." I knew this was about to get ugly. What made it even greater was that it was all happening in the middle of the Great Hall in front of everyone. Payback for all the times he's embarrassed me in front of a crowd.

"Excuse me. Did you just say girlfriend?"

"Yeah." He was so confused. This is better than television.

"Okay. Let me set something straight here Potter. I have never been your girlfriend. I will never be your girlfriend. You have never even shown any interest in me, so why now? Huh? Is this some sick and twisted way to get Lily? Because it's not funny. I'm beginning to see her side now. You really are an arrogant arse with a giant ego." Yes! I converted someone to my side!

"Wait, wait, wait. So Lily's _not _my sister?"

"_What_?"

"And Sirius didn't knock her up?"

"Are you _drunk_?" Something must have clicked because his eyes got really wide and he turned to face the marauders and me. We were barely containing our laughter at this point. He marched over to where we were sitting.

"You set me up!"

"Well I thought maybe if I was your sister you'd stop asking me out every five minutes." Honestly! It's like no one can pull a good prank but him. Just then an owl flew in and landed in front of James. And it just happened to be carrying a howler.

"Uh oh. I owled my parents saying you were pregnant because I thought they were our parents and you were my sister. Crap!" Wow. He's a bigger idiot than I thought. Well he didn't open the letter and it exploded and Mrs. Potter's screaming and yelling filled the hall.

**JAMES ISAAC POTTER! YOU ARE ONLY FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLY STUPID? GETTING A YOUNG GIRL PREGNANT! HONESTLY. HAVE YOUR FATHER AND I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING? IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT AGAIN YOU HAD BEST THINK AGAIN. JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU FATHER HEARS. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. YOU JUST THREW AWAY YOUR CHANCES OF BECOMING AN AUROR. YOU CAN'T VERY WELL GO TO THE ACADEMY WITH A YOUNG CHILD RUNNING ABOUT NOW CAN YOU? NEXT TIME THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES BEFORE YOU ACT. OR I WILL BE FORCED TO PULL YOU FROM SCHOOL!**

James gulped. "I guess she got the impression that I got her pregnant." I swear I think he's more scared of his mother than Voldemort.

Since then he has not asked me out once. He's acknowledged me and said the occasional hi to me but no more dorky pick up lines or date proposals. Life is good. Or is it?

* * *

**A/N: I was going to finish it with this but it was getting really long so one more chapter. Please Review!**


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